I'm preparing a presentation for CONSTRUCT in St Louis in September on what it means to be a buddy, a coach and a mentor. I've been thinking about the folks in my career who have been my buddies, my coaches and my mentors and my own roles in the careers of others in the offices where I've worked.
As luck would have it, my friend Cherise Schacter posted a blog a few months ago that dovetails nicely into my thoughts for today. You can read Cherise's The Voices in My Head blog here. In one post, Cherise points out that the top five risks for design firms have not changed in the last 40 years and that part of the reason these risks have not changed is related to each generation's ability to act as coaches and mentors. I think part of this ability is related to attitude.
I've had three jobs in my professional career: all three with architecture firms. My first was with a small firm in Mississippi. It is still owned by the two partners who started the firm in the 1970's. When I joined the firm in 1994 I was too young and too inexperienced to have any thoughts about what I would do daily at work or how I would approach my business. I was glad to be out of school and working!
As time went on, I found myself doing a large number of things: delivering furniture for one partner's wife, going to the State Bureau of Buildings to pick up checks and acting as the firm's IT professional. It was a great job and I learned a tremendous amount, but after five years, I left that firm, moved to Baltimore and went work for a very small office of a much larger, international firm. I made a conscious decision to present myself as strictly a project manager and intentionally set aside the attitude of "team first" as it related to administrative tasks and IT. That dovetailed nicely into that firm's notion of professional versus administrative staff.
After seven years, the office in Baltimore was closed and I joined Design Collective, where I still work after nearly 10 years. I started work here feeling I had little to prove. I had the confidence of a seasoned design professional and someone who was hired based on my resume and skills but more importantly on the strength of client recommendations. I didn't need to assume a persona of what I wanted to be involved in or not involved in. I came to work, pitched in on some deadlines, and began to build my career with my new firm. Our firm's infrastructure of administrative staff lent itself to that notion.
I bring this up because from time to time I hear people say things like "I can't make friends at the office, I have to maintain a professional relationship." This generally seems to be said by people who are new to the firm where they are currently working or perhaps newly promoted. They seem to be saying I have to present myself differently at this firm than I did at the firm I just left, or now that I'm at a different managerial level, I have to completely change my behavior.
I started at Design Collective as what we call Architect Level 3 (A3): I was licensed and had a little over 10 years of experience. I was quickly promoted to Associate and then Senior Associate. I now co-lead one of our four architecture studios and am growing into the role of an educational practice leader. When I was just an A3, I had a great many friends in the firm and I still have some of them because they were the other A3's with the same level of experience as me and we were promoted together.
But I have some other friends who are not Associates or Senior Associates. The line between buddy, coach and mentor can be a fine one but it also doesn't have to be rigidly defined, unless corporate policy or culture dictates that it must. In our firm, it does not have to be defined. Social media has helped blur the lines, so I always recommend caution. Those who know me, know I'm out in the public realm in social media. Look for @mpkemp on Twitter, but I'm also on Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram. I'm also on a niche-SoMe app called Untappd which is related to craft beers. I'm pretty much wide open on Twitter, so several colleagues at work follow me. LinkedIn is the same: if I know you, I'll connect with you. I'm a bit more guarded on Facebook and Instagram, but that's just me.
As a leader in a firm, I think you can maintain friendly relationships with your colleagues as long as both parties understand the hierarchy and respect each other's position. I had some bumps and bruises in my early SoMe days, but I think I've overcome those. I am also not the type of leader that is "my way or the highway." If that's your management style, then you probably cannot maintain friendly relationships with your colleagues, especially on SoMe. You probably need the rigid order of hierarchy in order to feel safe and be successful.
My attitude is that I spend 40+ hours per week with my colleagues and I like to have a good time with them. We joke with each other and sometimes play pranks on each other. But at the end of the day, we work hard and enjoy and respect each other. I think our work environment displays this idea as does the high quality work we do and our repeat clients.
To those who say, "I have to maintain a professional relationship," I say you are misguided and missing the forest for the trees. If you cannot supervise people and maintain a friendly rapport with them outside of work, there is one of two issues. Either you have the wrong attitude or you have the wrong people working with you. I've seen both and it can be difficult to navigate, especially for new leaders. There is a subtle nuance between leader and manager. If you are unable to see the bigger picture of your interpersonal relationships, you are probably destined to be a manager. You will schedule, criticize, acknowledge and manage the work, but you will not move your organization forward in any meaningful way.
You may be good at managing, but even the best manager cannot be a leader. As Jim Collins said, "Good is enemy of Great." Great managers begin to branch over to become leaders. Leaders have vision and can see the forest and the trees. Leaders strategize in the big picture, but never lose sight of the individuals that make that big picture real. One of my best friends is a great manager but a very mediocre leader. Its a matter of perspective and attitude. I want to be a great leader, so being a good manager is my enemy.
